It Took Four Years to Hit the Restart Button

4 years and I have hit the restart button to do what I almost always love the most...Write.

I am not sure how long I can go on before another period of sabbatical hits me. Ha!

Life has changed so much. 2.5 years married with a 2 month old. (Baby Girl Woo Hoo!). And almost 6 years into job.

An idle (idling doesn't happen too often these days not with a 2 month old to take care of) Saturday late evening, sitting with my (office) laptop browsing meaningless stuffs and a sudden realization hits me that I used to have a blog and that I used to write a lot, like everyday, and that followers used to follow and well wishers used to appreciate.

My mind is full. So much has happened over the years. Dear! Bear with me till I can throw it all out at you.

Till then. Adios. 

When For The World You are Dead.

Have you ever noticed a dead leaf falling? Have you ever noticed it lying there silent, moving only when the wind touches it or the world passes by?

Always goes unnoticed, doesn't it? Does not pass as our mere thought even. 

It does. It will. Only you have to be the dead leaf. Only when you go completely unnoticed to the world,  do you realize the pain of ignorance. Only when your emotions...feelings.....and the whole you are totally ignored by the world do you understand....understand who you thought you were to the people and who you really are now to them. 

But you live, you are very much living...not alive....but surviving to yourself. You eat, sleep, work, play and watch the world go by, watch the 'once your close' people pass by, move on in their lives and here you are merely surviving, thinking where exactly you landed yourself up! Who exactly is bothered about you? Who exactly feels your pain but looks through you.

Do they have the time? 

You never realize your worth not when the whole world is watching you and you have too many people who care for you and love you. You take them for granted. You know they will always be there in your life. You know there will never come a day when people will say Goodbye. 

You know there is something called 'forever'.

And then.....

They go away. They don't need you any more. You are over for them. You are their past. It's that moment when for the world you are dead. The loved ones you once loved, cared for and desired, slip away from your grasp, leaving behind vivid memories to live with. 

It is then you realize your worth, who you really are and what you want to be. You realize that it's not the people who make you but you who makes yourself. No one has the power to make you, no one has the power to deny you. You, you and only you have the right and power to become what you wanted to be or not to be. 

When for the world you are dead, you give yourself a new beginning. You give yourself a new sunrise. When for the world you are no one anymore, you break yourself free from the old bonding for a whole new chapter. 

Love is important, feeling important to people is necessary. But pain and shun are even more important because it is only the negativity of these feelings that help you know yourself. 

They help take you from one journey to another slowly and painfully to give you a beautiful life. A life you have only dreamed of. 

Change.

My last blog for the year of 2011. 

"It's not the years in life that count, it's the life in your years" 

A year gone by. Things changed. We changed. We changed situations, and situations changed us. 

Change is inevitable. It is the only thing that remains constant. Everything else is just a matter of time. It's been a year of happiness. A year of sadness. A year that has given me ample and yet has taken away quite a lot. 

My grand-father passed away, a great loss to the family, to me. And I could do nothing. I regretted not having spent enough time with him. I miss him so much! I got an appraisal, happy moment to live for. My relationships grew stronger. I lost people, I gained people......

gravityoflife.blogspot.com

I don't know where to stop. Because I can't find the manner in which to begin. There are so many things to say and yet no right words to express it. The whole year surely didn't go for a waste, but it wasn't too fruitful either. I was  too much in a rush to even think of anything. Kept on running, kept on hunting, kept on striving to achieve the twinkling stars looking above. But I failed to look down, failed to stop, failed to stand for a moment and think. Even though I heard people calling me, asking me to stop and tag them along with me. Should I feel guilty? 

Everything happened so fast, like in a blink of an eye. And I never stood still. Not even for once. I ran with time. I perished. May be. 

Just two more days before the year ends and I can't figure out exactly where I stand. Too many people, too many memories, too many talks, too many reactions, too many voices shouting out! Crowd! Yet NOTHING. 

Was I a loser, was I a winner? Was I! Was I! ! Did I make other people happy? Did others make me happy? Where are we today? Just building virtual relationships with people on the other side? What about the ones around us? Did we have time enough for them?

As we witness another beginning, make yourself understand that it is not your job, money or any other materialistic things in life that will make you happy, it is the ones whom you have grown with. Who have grown with you. Love them, respect them, stand beside them when there is still time.

A day will come when they will not be there anymore and that day all you are going to do is regret, like I did. So, this year without a second thought resolute to stay with your loved ones. Give them time. Love them, hug them and tell them how glad you are to have them in your life. 

Before they CHANGE. And go away.....

Just A Little More...

“There is no feeling more comforting and consoling than knowing you are right next to the one you love" 

I was falling.....Falling into the never ending caverns of lies, lies and more lies....
I was falling... Falling into the never ending caverns of hatred,  blames and melancholy...


And then you came...!

I see you every day, in my dreams, in reality, while taking a ride or a stroll. I feel you in every way, while sitting in the silence of the darkened rooms. I feel you tucking me tight and holding me close never to let me go. I feel your words assuring me to go on. I feel your whispers creating shivers down my spine.  I feel your 'ever-so-heart-skipping' gaze on me, making me go weak on my knees. 

I feel your heart pounding, I feel your skin burning, I feel your lips trembling wanting to break into a smile or tear. I feel your pain and love and hurt. I feel your care. I feel your need for me. I feel your unquenchable thirst to get closer. I feel your heavy breath to rip the distance apart....

Courtesy: Aussiethule.blogspot.com

I feel your absence amidst the utterly noisy crowd. Your voice reverberates from every corner of a space. Your touch is a celestial phenomena to me. Your finger tips clothe me internally. You give me an eternal joy, you have 'taught me to fly on broken wings'.....

I was broken, shattered to the core. I felt like a shredded leaf not wanting to sway with the wind anymore. Now i feel different. Now I feel strong. Now I feel blessed. And with each passing day I feel that there is nothing that can stop me from falling in love with you. 

Into the deep dark tunnels I move, not sure, not knowing the destination. But I wouldn't care less as long as you are right beside me. Holding me, clinging on to me till the very end. 

But I want a little more....just a little more of you. Coz i can't have enough. It's a feeling never to be replaced as long as we live...