It Took Four Years to Hit the Restart Button

4 years and I have hit the restart button to do what I almost always love the most...Write.

I am not sure how long I can go on before another period of sabbatical hits me. Ha!

Life has changed so much. 2.5 years married with a 2 month old. (Baby Girl Woo Hoo!). And almost 6 years into job.

An idle (idling doesn't happen too often these days not with a 2 month old to take care of) Saturday late evening, sitting with my (office) laptop browsing meaningless stuffs and a sudden realization hits me that I used to have a blog and that I used to write a lot, like everyday, and that followers used to follow and well wishers used to appreciate.

My mind is full. So much has happened over the years. Dear! Bear with me till I can throw it all out at you.

Till then. Adios. 

When For The World You are Dead.

Have you ever noticed a dead leaf falling? Have you ever noticed it lying there silent, moving only when the wind touches it or the world passes by?

Always goes unnoticed, doesn't it? Does not pass as our mere thought even. 

It does. It will. Only you have to be the dead leaf. Only when you go completely unnoticed to the world,  do you realize the pain of ignorance. Only when your emotions...feelings.....and the whole you are totally ignored by the world do you understand....understand who you thought you were to the people and who you really are now to them. 

But you live, you are very much living...not alive....but surviving to yourself. You eat, sleep, work, play and watch the world go by, watch the 'once your close' people pass by, move on in their lives and here you are merely surviving, thinking where exactly you landed yourself up! Who exactly is bothered about you? Who exactly feels your pain but looks through you.

Do they have the time? 

You never realize your worth not when the whole world is watching you and you have too many people who care for you and love you. You take them for granted. You know they will always be there in your life. You know there will never come a day when people will say Goodbye. 

You know there is something called 'forever'.

And then.....

They go away. They don't need you any more. You are over for them. You are their past. It's that moment when for the world you are dead. The loved ones you once loved, cared for and desired, slip away from your grasp, leaving behind vivid memories to live with. 

It is then you realize your worth, who you really are and what you want to be. You realize that it's not the people who make you but you who makes yourself. No one has the power to make you, no one has the power to deny you. You, you and only you have the right and power to become what you wanted to be or not to be. 

When for the world you are dead, you give yourself a new beginning. You give yourself a new sunrise. When for the world you are no one anymore, you break yourself free from the old bonding for a whole new chapter. 

Love is important, feeling important to people is necessary. But pain and shun are even more important because it is only the negativity of these feelings that help you know yourself. 

They help take you from one journey to another slowly and painfully to give you a beautiful life. A life you have only dreamed of. 

Classroom Revisited

"When you finally go back to your old hometown, you find it wasn’t the old home you missed but your childhood." - Sam Ewing

So its been ages since you must have finished schooling and grads. It's no more that fun-freaky-crazy student life. Its no more a time when breaking rules was amongst few of those real things that mattered to you. It's no more a time of reveries, paper balls, canings, kneel downs, morning prayers, talent contests, sports and science labs. It's no more a time of cheeky proposals, stupid infatuations and one day crushes. It's no more a time of silly fights, unity and friends.....And of course it's  no more a time of late night group studies (did we actually 'group study'? I wonder sometimes), last minute preps and a final helping hand in the exam!

How often does all this cross your mind? You must be too busy to think of all the lost days of a classroom. You must right now be in a another place, another time...It's seldom that you recollect the bygone memories of your second home..... But when one day you relax on the couch of your study, with nothing but just a hot cup of coffee to accompany you, I bet you revisit over and again that old classroom, where you spent nearly fifteen years of your life my dear reader! 

It is this classroom where you had learnt all the naughty tricks. Where you had learnt all the good things of life. Where you had learnt how to suppress witty laughters and hold back your tears. It is this class room where you have been insulted, embarrassed, praised and appreciated. It is the same classroom where mending things was the easiest thing to do, along with the stupid fights. It's the same place where you sent anonymous love letters to your 'sweetheart', and saw them get torn in front of your eyes.  

Courtesy: Lankangirl.blogspot.com

It's this classroom where you had always defended your best friend against accusations made by a teacher and it's the same place where you last talked to him/her because things went so horribly wrong between you two. It is this room where the same friends became sudden enemies for a couple of minutes in house defense. It's this room where you nearly got detained together. It's the same classroom from where you made narrow escapes.

It's the same classroom which helped you hide some of your most precious things under the desk. It's this place which supported you through all your nightmares (maths exam for example).  It's this place where you always laid your head down to sleep during those boring class hours, or hide your face while you have been hurt. 

It is this place where you had experienced some of the worst beatings from your least favorite teacher and it's place where you had the time of your life with the most favorite one. 

Water splashes, bottle battles, fractured noses, broken class doors, torn uniforms, dirty shoes, late to school, forgotten books, incomplete home tasks,  dancing in the rain, and bunking chapels were a regular affair...and so much more....

Classrooms stay forever. It's us who leave them behind to move on to another life altogether. Yet, when you step into the empty classroom you can still hear friendly echoes. You can still get the feel of the warmest moments spent.  You can still feel every heartbeat. You can still hear joyous screams and the shrill rings of bells. 

And if you listen a little more intently, you would definitely hear a loud cry of the helpless classroom calling out your name and asking you to come back to it yet another time. Just another time....

Misty Pictures...Vivid Memories

"Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose." - The Wonder Wars

It was a silent Sunday afternoon and i was spending my lazy hours in bed idling because i had nothing else to do. Ah! (I hate Sundays!).  I was thinking about nothing in particular. In fact my droopy eyes kind of summoned me to doze off.  It was then that this sudden thought struck me. 

It's been months since i have glanced through an album full of memories.

There was this mixed feeling in me and i don't know why? I was thinking if i should flip through those pictures again. You see, it's hard to let go of the memories, it's tough to not think about the wonder days of  one's past. 

Courtesy: Shafferfineart.com

Viewing photos of the past make it even tougher. But i did. After a while's wondering i finally could make myself take a look at the pictures. They were faded, worn out and looked old. Yet the memories that they brought back were as if it was just a 'yesterday'. Fresh and twinkling.

Each picture tells a story. Each of of them bring back the reminiscent memories that we try and keep aside, we try and bury.  Pictures can get misty, but memories never will. The more you grow up and move on in life, the more will the memories come alive with vibrant colors!

I guess it's the same with all of us. Moments, like pictures tend to fade away. It's the remembrance of the time spent together with  dear ones that stays with us forever. 

Cherishing them, living with them is all we can do. No options at this. So make the most of all moments that you spend. Memories are all you are going to have tomorrow!


Good or bad - You decide!

Let It Rain...

Courtesy : yhen1027.worpress.com

It was another lazy Saturday at work. It's summer time and elections being nearly over, we were unfortunate enough again to be faced with the age-old load shedding that Kolkata is so famous for. Yeah! A weekend at work, no electricity and the scorching summer heat all culminated together made the day unbearable.

But this was really not something that was bothering me. You see, when someone you so dearly care for is not in his/her usual self, when the person is down-and-out completely and yet has to behave that everything is just so alright so that others around think it's oh-so-perfect! It pinches you. Yes, it hurts you to know that the person in question has an oceanic melancholy and tension within but definitely has a grand smile on that innocent face. What's even worse? The dear one's nature of keeping things captured inside.

Memories can be captured with pictures and shared later on to talk about those wonderful moments. But, we fail to understand that too many significant sorrows captured inside one's self can one day prove to be disastrous. 

There has to be a time in one's life when all hell should break loose. It rained that day in the afternoon....To get some relief from the day's sultriness we stepped out to let the rain drench us with it's cold drips. 

It was then that it actually struck me, sometimes even we need to pour out the feelings that are taking our sleep  away. There is always a fine serenity after a storm. Welcome the calmness. Relieve yourself from that which wearies you. 

Let it rain.....Only then will the stars shine down.