It Took Four Years to Hit the Restart Button

4 years and I have hit the restart button to do what I almost always love the most...Write.

I am not sure how long I can go on before another period of sabbatical hits me. Ha!

Life has changed so much. 2.5 years married with a 2 month old. (Baby Girl Woo Hoo!). And almost 6 years into job.

An idle (idling doesn't happen too often these days not with a 2 month old to take care of) Saturday late evening, sitting with my (office) laptop browsing meaningless stuffs and a sudden realization hits me that I used to have a blog and that I used to write a lot, like everyday, and that followers used to follow and well wishers used to appreciate.

My mind is full. So much has happened over the years. Dear! Bear with me till I can throw it all out at you.

Till then. Adios. 

When For The World You are Dead.

Have you ever noticed a dead leaf falling? Have you ever noticed it lying there silent, moving only when the wind touches it or the world passes by?

Always goes unnoticed, doesn't it? Does not pass as our mere thought even. 

It does. It will. Only you have to be the dead leaf. Only when you go completely unnoticed to the world,  do you realize the pain of ignorance. Only when your emotions...feelings.....and the whole you are totally ignored by the world do you understand....understand who you thought you were to the people and who you really are now to them. 

But you live, you are very much living...not alive....but surviving to yourself. You eat, sleep, work, play and watch the world go by, watch the 'once your close' people pass by, move on in their lives and here you are merely surviving, thinking where exactly you landed yourself up! Who exactly is bothered about you? Who exactly feels your pain but looks through you.

Do they have the time? 

You never realize your worth not when the whole world is watching you and you have too many people who care for you and love you. You take them for granted. You know they will always be there in your life. You know there will never come a day when people will say Goodbye. 

You know there is something called 'forever'.

And then.....

They go away. They don't need you any more. You are over for them. You are their past. It's that moment when for the world you are dead. The loved ones you once loved, cared for and desired, slip away from your grasp, leaving behind vivid memories to live with. 

It is then you realize your worth, who you really are and what you want to be. You realize that it's not the people who make you but you who makes yourself. No one has the power to make you, no one has the power to deny you. You, you and only you have the right and power to become what you wanted to be or not to be. 

When for the world you are dead, you give yourself a new beginning. You give yourself a new sunrise. When for the world you are no one anymore, you break yourself free from the old bonding for a whole new chapter. 

Love is important, feeling important to people is necessary. But pain and shun are even more important because it is only the negativity of these feelings that help you know yourself. 

They help take you from one journey to another slowly and painfully to give you a beautiful life. A life you have only dreamed of. 

Hope.

"Hope is when you know you need to let go, but hold on anyway"

Learn to let go of your hopes. Sometimes. 


With hope comes pains and suffering, isn't it? You hope for something big, you hope for something small. You hope for nothing. And finally where does it all take you. Nowhere. Just about nowhere.

Stop hoping, please and move on. Trust me, it will cost you nothing. What you are clinging on to might have already gone. Stop holding on to it. I know, I know it is very difficult to let go. But try at least. It will save your life and not harm you.   

There will come a time when you are going to laugh at your past. Have patience to wait for that celestial hour in your life. Hope with things that are going to be worth it in the end. Give away your hope to people who would respect it. It might feel to be a seamless impossibility, but relax, you will be rewarded.

Almost all of us like the pain of hoping against hope. Almost all of us are ruthless lovers and friends. Almost all of us are pathetic at trying to live life! Hang on, wait, take your time, contemplate, get over it and MOVE ON!

Hoping is not a crime, but inflicting pain on yourself is. There is nothing wrong in expecting, but there is nothing right either, in wronging your being for someone or something that will not make you happy.

When was the last time you let go of something dear to you, easily? When was the last time you thought just for yourself? When was the last time you sacrificed something thinking about your own happiness in the future? Do you remember? It's ok, neither do I. Incorrigible aren't we? 

Hope like a child, so that you can forget about it soon. Treat every hope like a mirage. Treat each of your hope like sand. Don't run towards it, don't grip it too hard. Hope will keep coming back to you in a different disguise every time. You just have to learn to let it go.

Period. 
Image Courtesy: Asitavsen.com

Broken Crystal...Shattered Glass...

“When it seems that someone has shattered your dreams....pick up even the smallest of pieces and use them to build bigger and better dreams.” 

A being...

Colorful walls of skin....furnishing emotions....garden full of blessings....rides of the heart...ripple of hopes.....tree of smiles.....waves of joy....

And then there is broken crystal...shattered mirror....scathed glass....

After all, it's a dream....bound to get shattered...after all it's a heart bound to get broken....

When a thing so beautiful as crystal, glass or a mirror accidentally slips out and shatters on the floor, what you find is a million small pieces lying still for you to pick each of the them up and finally dump them into the trash bin. Oh well, it might have been one of the most precious things for you. You might have got it as a gift from someone special in your life. 

Courtesy: Hongkiat.com

So for some days you grieve and moan and are utterly hapless all the while. But it's just for some days. Then you slowly forget about it, right? Or may be to replace that you buy yourself another one such stunner. After a couple of months while remembering it, don't you get this 'it-happens-so-what' feeling? 

It's exactly the same with life. People come and go. Things happens. Much doesn't! Some live the dreams with you. You live your own wishes. Some would never break your heart. But most of the times you would get your heart broken as if it was a mere crystal or get your dreams shattered as if they were nothing but dyed glasses. 


Each one of us have a tote bag full of unique dreams and wishes. They vary from a person to another in every way possible. What does one do when one of these are not fulfilled? 


Let's ask ourselves then, do we stop living after that? Do we tend to lose all meaning of life? Do we lose faith and belief? Do we stop wishing? Do we not begin again? Do we not start afresh? Do we not figure out the next chapter of our lives...?


Even as I jot these words down I feel it's funny to write such because we do tend to break down, tend to be traumatized, freaked out and in a trance. But you see life can't always be a 'Cloud 9', can it?


Certain situations and circumstances change us and we are never the same. We are hurt and completely at a loss. Yet, we rise with every new dawn so as to wake up and find sunshine awaiting us.  Most importantly, you can never get a rainbow without a little rain...


Just like as it's not that easy to  let go of a dream or anything else that you have lived for a long time, something so close to your heart, at the same time you would never find anyone talking of it being an impossible mission. 


"......pick up even the smallest of pieces and use them to build bigger and better dreams.” 

Just A Little More...

“There is no feeling more comforting and consoling than knowing you are right next to the one you love" 

I was falling.....Falling into the never ending caverns of lies, lies and more lies....
I was falling... Falling into the never ending caverns of hatred,  blames and melancholy...


And then you came...!

I see you every day, in my dreams, in reality, while taking a ride or a stroll. I feel you in every way, while sitting in the silence of the darkened rooms. I feel you tucking me tight and holding me close never to let me go. I feel your words assuring me to go on. I feel your whispers creating shivers down my spine.  I feel your 'ever-so-heart-skipping' gaze on me, making me go weak on my knees. 

I feel your heart pounding, I feel your skin burning, I feel your lips trembling wanting to break into a smile or tear. I feel your pain and love and hurt. I feel your care. I feel your need for me. I feel your unquenchable thirst to get closer. I feel your heavy breath to rip the distance apart....

Courtesy: Aussiethule.blogspot.com

I feel your absence amidst the utterly noisy crowd. Your voice reverberates from every corner of a space. Your touch is a celestial phenomena to me. Your finger tips clothe me internally. You give me an eternal joy, you have 'taught me to fly on broken wings'.....

I was broken, shattered to the core. I felt like a shredded leaf not wanting to sway with the wind anymore. Now i feel different. Now I feel strong. Now I feel blessed. And with each passing day I feel that there is nothing that can stop me from falling in love with you. 

Into the deep dark tunnels I move, not sure, not knowing the destination. But I wouldn't care less as long as you are right beside me. Holding me, clinging on to me till the very end. 

But I want a little more....just a little more of you. Coz i can't have enough. It's a feeling never to be replaced as long as we live...

..And She Is A Woman

"How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being." - Oscar Wilde

....and what makes her not 'a perfectly normal human being' is her nature...to sacrifice, to give and to love unconditionally. 

Being a woman is tough. It is tough because of the nearly impossible demands demanded and expectations expected. From the time she is born and till her very last breath there is not a day when she thinks of herself alone. Not a day when she puts herself first. You can't help it! It's in her nature. 

Courtesy: blog.yoc2008.com

When she cries,  know that she is happy. When she weeps, know that she is in unbearable pain. When she fights to keep her tear from flowing, know that she is angry. When she shouts till she breaks down, know that she tired and can't put up anymore. When she smiles and says nothing, know that she is thinking  about words to express. When she is quite, know that there are million things going inside her mind...Oh! Don't even try to decode what it is? You will end up banging your head against the wall! (Just an exaggeration though).


She is obstinate and yet soft like a feather. She gives the gift of life and forgets about herself. She fears but keeps the strength to tackle everything and everyone. She endures silently and sacrifices unconditionally. She breaks down alone without the world watching and yet puts up that sizzling smile to make her loved ones happy. 


No one cares if she is hurt within, but she will pounce for aid at once if one has a scathed skin. Such is her care for others. She loves and she hates. She laughs and cries. She is strong and weak. She thinks and contemplates. She smiles and weeps. 


She is beautiful. She is fine. She is a breath-taker and a life giver. She makes a home for her own flesh and blood in her womb, and yet would mother a stranger. She stumbles and stands. She looks beyond imperfections. She keeps promises. She is a symbol of happiness. Plain happiness.


But each one of us commit the crime of underestimating a woman. We forget about her strengths, her real ability. We forget that she never forgets the pain inflicted upon her. We forget that she is a human being with her own life, joy, demands, hopes and expectations. We forget that even she can desire, wish and ask for things. We forget that she can have her own aspirations. We become oblivion to the fact that she too has dreams of her own....


We forget what she is worth....!


She has every right to be happy. Every right to fly. Every right to choose and every right to fall in love.


Don't make the mistake of hurting her. Don't take her silence for granted. Don't bring out your ego. Don't test her. Don't try her. 


Trust me, a woman's wrath is much worse than the magic in her love.


Can you do her one favor? Give her love. Appreciate her immensely. Respect her and please her. Love her with all your life and might. Show her how much you care for her. Don't wait for tomorrow. That's all she asks for. That's all she wants. 


She might be a mother, a sister, a daughter, a lover, a home-maker, a professional, a wife or just a little girl. But above all she is a woman. The greatest gift from God. To us. 

Sunny Side Up!

Finally! Finally I was able to do it!

House chores? No no no! Don't even tell me about them. They give me nightmares and goose bumps. And of course a tremendous Mummy noise too! Guess what! I hate doing them because i am ssoooooo bad at them! At home I am like this "you keep me away from the chores and i am sure to dance with joy" sort of lady who wants to nearly hide in the cupboard or become temporarily invisible whenever she hears her name being called to lend a hand for some house work.

Phew! But of course there is no escaping. Anyway, if there is anything i kind of 'like' doing while at home (because most of the times i am not), is making a good breakfast for anyone who wants it. The usual king's breakfast of toast and eggs, milk and butter, and fruits and jam. Well! it's easy and fun! No extra effort needed, it's all at the table in a few minutes time. Phew!

Courtesy: Clker.com

Now, the only thing that has grown to be a real favorite of mine in the past two days is a sunny-side-up! After days of toils, two mornings back i could finally come up with five perfect looking poached eggs. I am so glad! I actually saw this glittery pride in my sister's eyes. And we both exchanged a quick 'oh yes!' glance. It's only her who actually knew how hard i worked towards it. 

The sunny-side-ups looked just as picturesque as in the picture. A sunny day it was for me amidst the rains!

Nothing is out of your reach, if you want it to happen with all your heart. The important thing is to go on striving and give everything in your strength till you succeed. 

For me this was definitely an achievement, a small one though, but it was! 

What It Takes To Be Strong.....

"You never really know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have left"


People talk about being free. Free from everything. In fact, many of you out there are actually living on your own terms having the gala most times of your life without having to think about anything or anyone. It feels great isn't it? To be just yourself, not caring a damn about the world! Born free, being free...

Each one of us want to lead a kind of lifestyle where there would be nothing at all to get us upset. We try and escape everything that tends to take place around us. But, sometimes  that's not enough. It's just not enough to experience the 'happy! happy!' moments and hours in life. 

Courtesy: trekearth.com

To know life we need to have knowledge of what saddens us. It is vital that we experience the existence of melancholy and miseries. Look i am not trying to be philosophical, neither am i telling you, my reader that it's any of your business or something that should be of utmost importance to you. 

Yet scribbling down such 'avoidable facts' helps me to be strong, really strong! Trust me. That's all anyone can want. To be strong and not break down with all failing circumstances. Nearly all of us complain about the current state of life that we are in, always desiring for a better one, never overlooking the pain, hurt and disappointment in the process. Why?? What's wrong in feeling the bondage? What's wrong in enduring certain harsh realities? Why can't we embrace the hardships? And why are we so weak to accept failure? 

It's tough to face setbacks, nearly impossible to keep a smile on your face when all you can do is just cry inside. Yet, value the baffling moments of your life. Respect them. Each of these brings with it a lesson. Learn them. They are there for a reason....

It takes a lot to be strong, to fight. Tell yourself this, Joy will come and knock your door only when it knows that you are brave enough to handle all the disappointments that surround you. 


You will only be happy when you have known the pain by taking the merry-go-round ride. That's the taste of Joy. That's the essence of life.