It Took Four Years to Hit the Restart Button

4 years and I have hit the restart button to do what I almost always love the most...Write.

I am not sure how long I can go on before another period of sabbatical hits me. Ha!

Life has changed so much. 2.5 years married with a 2 month old. (Baby Girl Woo Hoo!). And almost 6 years into job.

An idle (idling doesn't happen too often these days not with a 2 month old to take care of) Saturday late evening, sitting with my (office) laptop browsing meaningless stuffs and a sudden realization hits me that I used to have a blog and that I used to write a lot, like everyday, and that followers used to follow and well wishers used to appreciate.

My mind is full. So much has happened over the years. Dear! Bear with me till I can throw it all out at you.

Till then. Adios. 

When For The World You are Dead.

Have you ever noticed a dead leaf falling? Have you ever noticed it lying there silent, moving only when the wind touches it or the world passes by?

Always goes unnoticed, doesn't it? Does not pass as our mere thought even. 

It does. It will. Only you have to be the dead leaf. Only when you go completely unnoticed to the world,  do you realize the pain of ignorance. Only when your emotions...feelings.....and the whole you are totally ignored by the world do you understand....understand who you thought you were to the people and who you really are now to them. 

But you live, you are very much living...not alive....but surviving to yourself. You eat, sleep, work, play and watch the world go by, watch the 'once your close' people pass by, move on in their lives and here you are merely surviving, thinking where exactly you landed yourself up! Who exactly is bothered about you? Who exactly feels your pain but looks through you.

Do they have the time? 

You never realize your worth not when the whole world is watching you and you have too many people who care for you and love you. You take them for granted. You know they will always be there in your life. You know there will never come a day when people will say Goodbye. 

You know there is something called 'forever'.

And then.....

They go away. They don't need you any more. You are over for them. You are their past. It's that moment when for the world you are dead. The loved ones you once loved, cared for and desired, slip away from your grasp, leaving behind vivid memories to live with. 

It is then you realize your worth, who you really are and what you want to be. You realize that it's not the people who make you but you who makes yourself. No one has the power to make you, no one has the power to deny you. You, you and only you have the right and power to become what you wanted to be or not to be. 

When for the world you are dead, you give yourself a new beginning. You give yourself a new sunrise. When for the world you are no one anymore, you break yourself free from the old bonding for a whole new chapter. 

Love is important, feeling important to people is necessary. But pain and shun are even more important because it is only the negativity of these feelings that help you know yourself. 

They help take you from one journey to another slowly and painfully to give you a beautiful life. A life you have only dreamed of. 

Tick Tock Goes The Clock....

"They say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself" - Andy Warhol

TIME. It's ticking.  

Sounds a little off to many but the statement surely explains a lot to quite a few people. At least it does to me. Time, they say changes everything, well? Now how true can that be when it is you who needs to solve matters. It is you who needs to forget the past, it is you who needs to mend situations, it is you who needs to think, act, react, judge and take control of your life. 

So, you still think it's Time, who is kind of cool! Tick tock goes the clock, and all you do is wait, wait till it's all over, wait for things to go haywire, wait for nothing to work out anymore. And finally end of it all, you find Time has betrayed you yet another time and run away. 

Good times, bad times, better times and worse times. You can hold nothing back. But there is surely one thing you can hold on to. Yourself. It is yourself that makes you keep going and not Time. The best time comes to you because you have earned it, the reason you go through the worst time at some point in your life, is because you deserved it. You are responsible for everything that happens, and not Time. Because you have underestimated yourself and have let others do so too. So, where is She playing a role in this?

Acus.org

Do you feel you can trust Her? Hang on, can you see Her mocking at you? Can you see Her playing games wearing a cloak of disguise? Can you see how relentlessly She is trying Her best to tick faster? And you like a fool are just waiting. Waiting for your life to settle, waiting for the right path to curve itself. Your anticipation never seem to seize. Does it? It goes on flowing with every heart beat and you become completely oblivious to the fact that She is gone! A Time gone forever. 

And once again She fooled you! And you have let Her. What are you doing now, crying it out? Poor you!

It is an inevitable mistake that you commit, I commit, everyone of us commit. We trust Time. We keep faith in her to mend situations, people and circumstances. Bring a change in your life. Act now. Be a survivor and guard yourself. Be a player and win it all. Be life and live it. 

Look at Her, she is ticking away to glory! 

Hope.

"Hope is when you know you need to let go, but hold on anyway"

Learn to let go of your hopes. Sometimes. 


With hope comes pains and suffering, isn't it? You hope for something big, you hope for something small. You hope for nothing. And finally where does it all take you. Nowhere. Just about nowhere.

Stop hoping, please and move on. Trust me, it will cost you nothing. What you are clinging on to might have already gone. Stop holding on to it. I know, I know it is very difficult to let go. But try at least. It will save your life and not harm you.   

There will come a time when you are going to laugh at your past. Have patience to wait for that celestial hour in your life. Hope with things that are going to be worth it in the end. Give away your hope to people who would respect it. It might feel to be a seamless impossibility, but relax, you will be rewarded.

Almost all of us like the pain of hoping against hope. Almost all of us are ruthless lovers and friends. Almost all of us are pathetic at trying to live life! Hang on, wait, take your time, contemplate, get over it and MOVE ON!

Hoping is not a crime, but inflicting pain on yourself is. There is nothing wrong in expecting, but there is nothing right either, in wronging your being for someone or something that will not make you happy.

When was the last time you let go of something dear to you, easily? When was the last time you thought just for yourself? When was the last time you sacrificed something thinking about your own happiness in the future? Do you remember? It's ok, neither do I. Incorrigible aren't we? 

Hope like a child, so that you can forget about it soon. Treat every hope like a mirage. Treat each of your hope like sand. Don't run towards it, don't grip it too hard. Hope will keep coming back to you in a different disguise every time. You just have to learn to let it go.

Period. 
Image Courtesy: Asitavsen.com

Science? Not My Cup Of Tea!

Ahh! Science...I never really liked reading the subject, forget about studying it. What's even worse to know is that i made a record of flunking miserably in what people call 'one of the most interesting subjects' - chemistry! AArrrrggghhhhh!!!!! 

Oh did i say chemistry???? Ooopsss, I forgot to mention math! Yeah, math would take the lead followed by the former. Biology and physics definitely followed close too. During the science hours, the classroom helped me with the reverie. And the night very sincerely helped me with the jitters and nightmares if there was an assignment to be completed for the next day.

It was only when i got promoted to class 9 could i get rid of the highly 'scientific' subjects. i mean it when i say "getting rid of". They really were a pain in all the wrong places. I could finally make a decision to leave behind something that i never really liked doing.

I somehow knew that it wouldn't work for me. After taking up Arts for grads (English has always been my most favorite one), i ended up working on content development. 

So, basically my current state of affairs, in no way whatsoever, makes me any less worthy than a science graduate. Even though i wasn't an exception when it came to facing the humiliations from our respected teachers for not taking up science. I nearly believed that we (students of commerce and Arts) were about to become a bunch good-for-nothing fools later on in life! 

But things turned out to be quite to the contrary. Ahem ahem! 

Do whatever your heart desires and wishes. Do not force yourself to decide on something which would make your loved ones happy and not you. Don't give yourself a chance to repent!

There are certain decisions one needs to make in life, which might and will invariably hurt the close ones around. But you would need to be firm and judge which is going to be the best for you. See, it's your dream and you ought to believe in it. Everything else will fall into place at the right time. 

You got to give it time. Give people the time to realize your dreams!

God has never promised a 'with love from heaven'  life. Hardships make life. But if you believe in yourself then there is nothing that can stop you from achieving your goals. Nothing.